Random musings from a Wife, Mom, Homeschooler, Student, and Friend

>I’m going to take some liberties with the song, “Everytime Two Fools Collide.”

Every Time Two Roles Collide

They want things their way
And I want these mine.
And now I don’t know
Just where to draw the line.
How can I survive
If I keep choosing sides?
And who picks up the pieces
Every time two roles collide?

I lay the blame on me
So I can keep the blame off you.
Why do I keep finding faults
In everything I do?
How long can I keep these roles
So cut and cry?
Who picks up the pieces
Every time two roles collide?

I can save myself
I still have the time.
I know there must be a way
That I still haven’t tried
To keep my heart from breaking
Every time two roles collide.

In the Disney animated movie, “Sleeping Beauty,” there is a scene where two of the fairies, Merryweather and Flora, get into a duel over the color of Aurora’s birthday dress. Flora only wants pink, and Merryweather only wants blue. They begin zapping everything in the room with Pink! or Blue! jets from their wands until the streams of magic meet and make a multi-colored mess all over Aurora’s dress.

I feel like that dress today. My role as Mom to a special needs child is warring with my role as a woman who needs to take care of herself. The Special Needs Mom had a major set-back yesterday, and the Gotta Take Care of Myself Woman just wants to crawl back into bed forever–with a few bags of chips and a few gallons of ice cream. Everything is a mess. I don’t know how to make peace or form a balance in my life when things go so wrong in one (or more!) areas. This is the point where I usually give up, but I don’t want to! I want to go into the living room, scoop up a couple of kids and love on them. I want to smile as I eat a perfectly rationed bowl of low fat cereal. But I also want to do nothing because nothing I do seems to make a difference. I want to cry all day for the battles I’m facing for my son and for the 1.5lbs I gained this week. I want to tell my husband that it is not his fault even though I’m pretty sure most of it is. I’m tired of feeling so alone. I’m on the edge of a tailspin. I can go up or I can go down.

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